Tips on Being a Good Parent
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Tips on Being a Good parent are avidly read by nearly every parent on the planet and rightly so because having a child is just about the momentous life changing responsibility that you will ever have. There is so much pressure these days to be the perfect parent and get everything right. Strange because if any parent stands back they will accept that their parents were not perfect they were human beings trying hard to do their best and in some cases failing miserably and in others doing a great job.
The concept of a good parent is idealised and “being a good parent” becomes an almost impossible concept. Most parents want to be a good parent, but to be a good parent you have to understand what the ideal of good parent actually means. Child development is littered with parents getting it wrong and damaging children for decades if not life. For many parents they have a happy toddler and then a difficult child, for some parents the child becomes anxious and needy when they were fearless toddlers. Parents are anxious about these changes and inevitably feel a sense of guilt.
It is generally accepted that young children respond best to positive praise that reinforces the child’s sense of esteem. Children need to feel valued and loved and cherished, when this occurs the child develops a sense of security. From a psychological point of view this was the attachment theory of John Bowlby who felt that a child between the ages of six months and eighteen months develop a bond with their primary care givers, and at that time the primary caregivers were their mother.
This bond allows a child to feel secure enough to explore the world around them and feel safe. He ascertained that when that bond was abruptly severed then that trust was broken. In the fifties when Bowlby carried out his research the primary caregiver meant the mother, he failed to regard what input the father could give to the child’s security and in today’s world both parents are important.
The greatest tip on how to be a good parent is to love you children and tell them so at least once a day and more is better. Let your child bask in the luxury of knowing that they are loved unconditionally. Don’t let them feel that they have to live up to your expectations to be loved. Tell them that you love them whatever they do. Give them lots of loves, cuddles, kisses and other overt forms of affection. Let them be secure in being able to be cuddled by both parents. When they go to school they will turn more to their peers for approval, but that does not diminish the parents’ responsibility to show them masses of affection whenever you can. This is an aspect of parenthood that fosters security in a child.
Good parenting skills mean that you should never actually compare your children to any other child, but especially their siblings. It is important for children’s wellbeing that you celebrate their individuality and you foster in them a sense of being different. Comparing them to a sibling created rivalry and resentment when in reality each child should be allowed to develop their own interests. Parents need to be supported by the other parent, know what your spouse is going to agree to beforehand is a handy tip. Never let your child try and create a wedge between you and your partner.
Family rituals are important they create schemas or short cuts to a scenario in a child’s head. It reinforces the fact that they belong to a family which is in essence a tribe or a team, they are not alone they have someone to support them. These rituals may be major or minor as simple as eating a dinner together to taking an annual holiday. Spending time with your children is perhaps the most valuable thing that you can do to a child.
That time stores memories, memories of security that create rich seam of identity and a sense in a belonging in a child which in turn helps make children more confident and builds a sense of esteem and self worth. This will help them form loving close relationships with others later.
Remember that building a relationship with your child is an ongoing and lifelong task, the skills that you will need will change over time and that practise really doers make things easier. As you develop and grow as a parent anticipating their needs will be easier. It is normal to question whether or not you are being a good parent because the responsibility is so great, follow your heart and love your child to the best of your ability.
